So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize