she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
