Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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