I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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