sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
