i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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