I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
