cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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