Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
