Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
