Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
