I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
