i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize