I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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