Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Enjoy the penises
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
