we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
