God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
