my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
