we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
