So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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