Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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