We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
