if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I will pee on everything he values.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
