Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
