census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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