porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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