Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
