Don't you send me to vm
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
