and she was petting her beer can
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
