Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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