So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize