so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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