Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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