Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
This baby is an asshole
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
