Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize