Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
