I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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