weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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