i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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