I'm eating all of the evidence.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
