Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
