how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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