well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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