Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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