It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
