I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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