dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
