I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
