proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
