I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
