I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
