Can i not drive my cunt home
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize