Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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