He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
