Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
