And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
