3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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