please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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