Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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