fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
