Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
