We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
