it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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