Pants 0. Shit 1.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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