I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The uberlube is also flammable
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
