I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
