i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
