1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
