So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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