sarcasm needs its own font
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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