You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
