He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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