Yo dont text me then not text me
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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