I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
