A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
