I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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