You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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