he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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