my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
