I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Farmville is her only friend.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
