woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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