wanna go halves on a baby?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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