Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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