He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
