it was like his penis was on wheels.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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