I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize