She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
