Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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