I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
