I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
