hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
This house was built for laser tag.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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