You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
