You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize