guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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