I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
