I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
