the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
FUCK WHALES
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
