a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
