I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
