I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
