Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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