Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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