I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
