My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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