So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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