i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
