Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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