it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
